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The Angry Designer - 2011 March
Mar 28

mystery man update

well my mystery man design consult ended up being fucking weird. this guy looked like christopher lloyd fucked elliot gould and the offspring did a lot of meth. nice fellow though. he basically had me design a diagram, then cover it up with a color (so it was a secret and nobody could see what it was) – it took all the self control in the world for me to keep a straight face as i handed him his final artwork- all it was was a shit-ton of pretty little boxes of solid color on a sheet of paper. p.s.- the color laser printer doesn’t give two shits about what’s covered up by a colored object on top of it.


Mar 28

mystery man

I have a 3:00pm design consult with “mystery man” – i guess a client called up, asked for a design consult at 3 & hung up without giving any other info. might be an interesting afternoon. thank god for the 2nd amendment & my concealed glock 19. people ask me what i’m scared of when they find out about all my firearms – i tell them that i ain’t scared of shit.


Mar 28

my pet goldfish ronnie

my d-bag neighbor walks up and starts telling me about his sweet roller scooter toy. so I tell him I have a pet goldfish named ronnie. he gives me a confused look- so I apologized & told him that I thought we were both talking about things that I don’t give a fuck about.


Mar 25

xerox color printers suck big time

so i wanted to make a personalized otis spunkmeyer cookie. all i wanted was our damn company logo on it. the piece of shit xerox color printer jams every time i put the cookie in the bypass tray. now the xerox tech has to come on site and fix the machine. what fucking genius named it the ‘bypass tray’ – hopefully they got a gold star or a free happy meal coupon for donating their sweet idea to the company idea pool at xerox. maybe i’ll try printing on a pink frosted sugar cookie when grandpa tech-ie-pants finishes fixing the machine.


Mar 25

client hit the complicate button

staples has that easy button. awesome client that hasn’t been mentally adjucicated yet by a court invented a new button called “let’s do everything backwards & fuck shit up” – I’ll just call it the “complicate button” for short.


Mar 25

we charge extra for discounts

client asked if we offer a discount. we do offer them, but there is an additional charge for the discount.


Mar 25

the customer is always right ?

the customer is always right. except for when they are wrong. or retarded.


Mar 25

1983 called, it wants it’s tie back

client’s awesome tie looks like the shitty fabric on the chairs in the waiting room at the local clinic.


Mar 25

pro-bono design

apparently customers enjoy it when you don’t charge them for your time, the effort, expertise & experience you bring to the table is just a side note.


Mar 25

gonna be a great day

i sure hope my early a.m. design consult client enjoys the smell of whisky & pop-tarts.